he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There's always time for handjobs
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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