I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
