he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
