Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
