Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
