the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Randomize
