I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
