Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.