FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My cat gives me a boner
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.