My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
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He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
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You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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