Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
