We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
