Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
And then he peed in my hair
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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