There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
