I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
