You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
