Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We don't watch enough power rangers
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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