The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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