He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
