help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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