chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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