Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
