Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
