I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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