Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
