this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
