dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
