are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
