fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
