But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
