Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
two words: eviction party
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I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
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It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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