I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
