ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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