I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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