"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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