I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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