Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
only you would photoshop your dick
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
