i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
