I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
