On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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