listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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