I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize