Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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