Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
