Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
