mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
