So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
