I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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