We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
