What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Randomize
