I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
