Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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