What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
