Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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