whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
