I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
