I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
