Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
