the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
