Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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