my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
