I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
