I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
