There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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