Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
