dude i'm inner monologue high
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
