there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
