i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
