Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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