The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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