How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
