Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
