I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
