I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I believe in your delicious
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
