Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
