Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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