I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
